Before Battlestar Galactica, There Was... Never Mind, SyFy Sucks


[Full disclosure: I wrote this piece yesterday, when a pretty cool trailer for the Battlestar prequel series Blood and Chrome was kicking around. You probably saw it. if not, too bad, because since yesterday, SyFy has taken down this trailer, and replaced it with massive disappointment. they've announced that because everyone loved the trailer, and was excited for the series, that instead of giving it to them, they'd release in on the web instead. Because they hate it when people like them. It's why they cancelled Eureka. It's why Warehouse 13 probably won't have a season 5. It's why they went the "sometimes Y" route with their vowels. Because SyFy hates joy.

I'm too pissed to write anything new, so here's the article as was written yesterday, when there was a cool trailer for it at the top instead of a man dressed in a plastic suit.]


I loved Battlestar Galactica. I stop watching it on DVD at the end of Season 4.0 though, because I thought the ending sucked, and the discovery of a burnt husk of a civilization, therefore destroying every hope and dream the series had created to that point was more in keeping with the tone of the series as a finale.

The trailer above, for the young-Adama centric first Cylon War prequel, has me asking some very specific questions.

1) In the finale episode, it was revealed that the show takes place thousands of years ago, before human civilization on Earth began. Except for Bob Dylan, whose music is fourth dimensional, apparently. Is this trailer implying that Led Zepplin's music works the same way? Does the level of awesomeness of the classic rock dictate how far back through time it reaches? Could this explain why Nickleback only has one song, because it just keeps looping back on them, over and over, as the same song?

2) So, this is basically the original Battlestar series properly remade. Because the cylons will be classic cylons, the ships will be classic ships, the uniforms the classic uniforms. Basically everything but the characters. And with more random cafeteria sex? I say more, because look at Lorne Greene, and tell me he doesn't like a bit of the rough.

3) That first shot in the trailer looks terrible, as does all that 'game change' crap at the end. Maybe they thought they were promoting a wrestling match?

4) Will Edward James Olmos bookend this thing, like Frodo in the Hobbit movie? Will he be drunk and depressed? Will he smash something against the wall, and then appear to pass a gall-stone?

All these questions, and more, will almost be answered, and then some stupid plot twist will make everything not make sense again, and then the writer's will just say "frak it, it was angels!" at some point, TBA.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.

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