The Avengers Might Just Be Great. And By 'Might' I Mean I Just Uncleaned My Pants



Remember how HBO spent the last two months putting out trailer after trailer for Game of Thrones, each basically the same, but edited together in new and exciting ways, each time raising our collective need to see the new episodes like a meth addict being drip fed the blue stuff until we scratched threw our arms because the insides of our veins were itchy.

Well good news everyone, because it looks like The Avengers, which opens in an agonizing three weeks, has opted to take the same tact. Except each new trailer for this film does actually contain new footage, including the first American shot the helicarrier lifting off, and an exchange between Hulk and Captain America that only Joss Whedon could put in a movie and not have it come off as narmy. It was so awesome, it somehow pushed me back in time, where I had this actual exchange with my younger self.

Self: Holy crap, you are not going to believe what happens in 2012.
PastSelf: AGHGHGHHH who are you? Get out of my room! AGHGHG
Self: Shut up, I'm you from the future. I just watched a trailer for a movie that was so cool it pushed me back through time.
PastSelf: What the hell is that on your face. Is that meant to be a beard. Can't you grow a real one, like Cmdr. Riker?
Self: Hey, the beard is fine. The moustache could use some depth... but big picture here, pay attention.
PastSelf: Jesus, we didn't get very tall, did we. And we're still fat, well thanks for that.
Self: We're not fat. We're hefty. We winter well.
PastSelf: Did you... did you steal a line from a stand up comedian and try to pass it off as being clever in the past?
Self: Shut up. You're not paying attention. This movie, you won't believe it. They actually made an Avengers film.
PastSelf: The British spies?
Self: What? No. Well, yes. Sean Connery...
PastSelf: Ooh, love Sean Connery. 'We named the dog Indiana.' Hahaha.
Self: What? No, he dresses up as a bear.
PastSelf: Awesome.
Self: No, not a real bear, like a grizzly. Like a gummy bear. Look, forget that, it was horrid. The Avengers, like from the comics. You know, Iron Man, Captain America. Those guys.
PastSelf: Eh, I'm not really into comics.
Self: What? (Surveys room, sees large concentrations of Star Trek memorabilia, remembers comics came after, is disappointment at self). It doesn't matter, it was still really cool. Captain America turns to Hulk and says [SPOILERS], and I was all 'Ahaha, that's great', and found myself here.
PastSelf: Yeah, that sounds great. Is Spider-man in it?
Self: No, he has his own films.
PastSelf: What about Wolverine?
Self: No... his movies are largely crap.
PastSelf: What about Batman?
Self: He's not even Marvel. Jesus, how dumb are you?
PastSelf: You realize you just called yourself dumb, right?
Self: You realize you're an annoying little shit, right? You don't even realize how awesome this movie is going to be. It's directed by Joss Whedon.
PastSelf: Who the hell is Joss Whedon?

I expect the blind rage somehow snapped the temporal connection, slingshotting me back to the present. Let this be a lesson to you all: never go back in time and have conversations with your younger self. It will only result in possible paradoxes after your murder the the little bugger.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.

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