Nick Offerman Offers His Rules To Life. You Should Listen to Him... He's Ron F@#$ing Swanson

Photo by Adrianne Breaux
Nick Offerman performed a one man show at the end of April at Tulane University wherein, to an audience of now highly enlightened college kids, he imparted his 10 rules, or secrets, or bumper stickers to living a better life. Considering how much improv is in the show, and how much sway the actors on Parks and Rec have in developing their characters, it shouldn't surprise that this list is very similar to the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness, though more streamlined, and dirty.

I won't include every item on the list; for that you should check out this review of the show. I won't say I agree with all of his rules, but I do agree with:

#2 – Say please and thank you.
Most people you will encounter in a day will be either 1) jerks, or 2) apathetic. It's not going out of your way to be polite. Ask a cashier how they are doing, they appreciate that. Hold open a door for someone. If someone holds a door open for you, say "Thank you kindly." Generally, be decent.

#3 – Carry a handkerchief.
This is essentially "know where your towel is," which is as good a life lesson as any I've come across. Basically, always make certain to carry what you might need. What you need might be a handkerchief. I carry a utility knife (really, except for in airports, so should everyone), a selection of medications, several time pieces of various sorts, and a pterodactyl. You may think that a joke, but it is not. It has come in handy exactly three times.

#4 – Eat red meat.
Unless you are allergic; there is no excuse otherwise. You're just being difficult.

#5 – Get a hobby.
Offerman pretty much says it best. “If you’re looking for a mate, would you rather find someone who’s amazing at playing Angry Birds or would you like someone who knitted the garment they’re wearing?” Besides, scientists have proven that taking part in hobbies, or other mentally distracting enterprises increasing the brains ability to problem solve and to be imaginative.

#6 – Go outside. Remain.
Ask yourself one question: have I ever sat by a lake (or, preferably, on a lake) and not done anything. If you answered no, improve your life and do so. If you answered yes, get off your computer and do so again.

Via Uproxx.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.

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