Movie News: From The Writers

This picture is almost completely unrelated.
- Van Helsing is getting a reboot. Except it isn't, because that isn't a real word, and it's being misused anyway. A new film is being made about a character who first appeared in Bram Stoker's Dracula 115 years ago. This could be considered a reboot if the story were retelling how Gabriel Van Helsing fought a collection of classic movie monsters. But it's clearly not. Explains writer Alex Kurtzman:
"I do feel like the Van Helsing that Anthony Hopkins plays in [Bram Stoker's] Dracula is sort of the parody version of it, and the Van Helsing that Hugh Jackman played was obviously in a different place as well".
To me, that sounds like Kurtzman and Orci, the team behind Fringe, Star Trek, and (lets not forget) Cowboys and Aliens, will be adapting Abraham Van Helsing, the aged professor from Stoker's book. Kurtzman says that the Dark Knight has influenced his vision for the project, though at this point I think the Dark Knight has influenced root vegetable. Kurtzman and Orci are also working on rebooting (dammit) The Mummy (dammit!). I think the lesson here is that Hollywood doesn't like Stephen Sommers. Though, if you get a chance, watch Deep Rising, starring Treat Williams and Famke Janssen. It's B-movie fun.

- Jurassic Park 4 has attached some writers, in the form Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, who wrote Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Now, I didn't see Apes because the first trailer looked incredibly dumb, but I've heard nothing but good things about it since. Still, I have no over powering urge to see it. I will eventually, probably when it's on TBS in the middle of a Sunday afternoon some day.

My issue with this story is that Jurassic Park 4 is still happening. Every idea they've had (except for the one that produced Jack Horner's fantastic book How To Make a Dinosaur, about turning a chicken into dinosaur through genetic engineering. If you can find a copy, I highly recommend it) has been crap. And then Michael Crichton died, and everyone from Spielbergo down said it was best to leave things be. Listen, Jurassic Park is my favourite movie, hands down, no reservations. I worship that film. But The Lost World Jurassic Park wasn't actually a Jurassic Park movie (ask me about that some day. Not now, I'm busy), and Jurassic Park III was an abject failure which spit on the hallowed ground of it's predecessor. As an idea, Jurassic Park has been taped and emptied. If you want to make a kick ass dinosaur movie, do so. People will see it, trust me. Just forget about InGen, and Grant, and those huge, unfeathered raptors.

- And finally, and best (worst?) of all, Seth Grahame-Smith has produced this quote.
"But I think the magic ingredient is trying not to over do it. Not to make it some crazy, overblown big Beetlejuice Saves the World type of story. Frankly, Beetlejuice himself is only in the original movie for about a half hour. I think using him sparingly is key. And not trying to make it so modern, family friendly and broad but to cling to the things that made it a little dangerous.
"And obviously we’re not remaking the movie or rebooting it. It would be a sequel, and however much time has passed between the two movies, that’s the amount of time that will have passed in the story."
He was (obviously?) speaking of his role in writing Beetlejuice 2, a movie that does not, in any way, need to get made. I think though, he is missing the most important thing about writing a sequel. Learning how to write a movie first. Because let me tell you, after creative failure that was Dark Shadows, and the misery that was Abraham Hilton: Vampire Lecher, or whatever it was called, I think Mr. -Smith needs to take a step back and reevaluate his method. I certainly don't want him anywhere near a sequel to one of my favourite comedies.

Via Den of Geek, The Mary Sue, and again.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.


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