Well, This Is Going To Suck

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters has been delayed a couple times, and has finally settled on this January for release. If a movie gets moves more then once, that's usually a bad sign. When it gets released in January, after vacating a prime summer release date, is a very bad sign. And it looks utterly terrible.

It looks like a cheaply made version of Van Helsing. The dialogue all seems to have come out of "imagination-free cliches for the bored and hackish". And the "acting" appears to give the dialogue all the consideration it deserves. It's listed as being a comedy horror, which to me says "the studio is aware of how bad this thing is, and wants us to think it is being intentionally over the top." I very much doubt that. Now, to be fair, this is only a trailer. A marketing device in which a studio usually cherry picks the best footage from a film to highlight.

Let me repeat: this could be the best this movie has to offer. I suppose the upside is, the Rifftrax on this should be fantastic.

Lets hope, with the misery that was Snow White and the Huntsmen, the ridiculous nature of this film, and the fact that Jack the Giant Killer was also pushed back, maybe 2013 will see the ultimate death of the fairy tale movie, much as Cutthroat Island saw the hibernation of pirate films.

Also, Gemma Arterton's delivery of Hansel was pure Looney Tunes. I don't care if it is the correct way of pronouncing it, all I hear is this. Which, by the way, is six minutes of actual entertainment, compared to the 90 or so you'd waste on this thing.

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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.


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