Masturbation, Swollen Testicles And Drinking Blood: Summer Movie Season 2013 Ladies And Gentlemen

Finally, here is the trailer for Joseph-Gordon Levitt's directorial debut (he also wrote it) Don Jon, which everyone completely lost their shit over at Sundance earlier this year. The comedy is about a man dealing with an obsession with internet porn, who meets the girl of his dreams (Scarlett Johansson), and she doesn't take it well. From the look of the trailer, she well be a cinephile herself. Of the none yada yada variety. Co-starring Tony Danze, Julianne Moore, and Glenne Headly. It looks hilarious, and I'm much more interested in Levitt's career then say, Ryan Gosling, who for some reason my mind has paired those two. I don't confuse them, but whenever I think of one, I tend to think of the other. 


Hit the jump for Byzantium, and the red band trailer for We're The Millers.

I've been a fan of Gemma Arterton since Lost in Austen. When in Britain, she makes good movies, and proves herself time and time again to be a fantastic actress (Disappearance of Alice Creed, Tamara Drewe, St. Trinian's). When she crosses the pond however, she makes terrible career decisions (Hansel and Gretel: Candy Stripers, Prince of Persia, Clash of the Titans). I can only figure she takes big stupid American film roles to make certain she has enough cash on hand, so she can make the smaller, better English pictures.

Now she's starring in Byzantium, a vampire picture from Interview with a Vampire director Neil Jordon at the helm, and from the look of the trailer it seems to fly in the face of most vampire pictures, and certainly the recent shiny-loving-nice vampire obsession that has swept the female youth market. The film co-stars Saoirse Ronan (Hanna) as Arterton's eternally sixteen-and-hating-it daughter. We'll have to wait to see which of Arterton's categories it fall into, but it could be worth a look.

Last up, looks like Jennifer Aniston is attempting to continue the new career trajectory she started in Horrible Bosses with We're The Millers, starring Bosses co-star Jason Sudeikis as a drug dealer who is forced by Ed Helms to travel to Mexico to pick up some weed. To help him not get searched at the border, he enlists an ageing stripper (Aniston), an emotionally stunted neighbour (Will Poulter), and a street kid (a foul mouthed Emma Roberts, looking to shrug off her Disney years much like when Hilary Duff put that scorpion down her trunks) as his fake family, the Millers. Hilarity is then expected to ensue when things do not go as planned. I find Sudeikis funny, I will admit that. I like him more then most of his SNL cronies, and he's less annoying then Zach Galifianakis. But this film looks so much like Identity Thief turned out to be: a series of sketches using the road trip movie framework, that all comes to a gag inducing happy ending, where everyone learns and loves and grows as people.

Nick Offerman is in it, though, in what will undoubtedly be the funniest scene in the film. And might be enough to get me to buy a ticket. Maybe.

Before you watch this red band trailer, be warned there is some stuff in here you don't want your boss walking into your cubicle while you are watching it. Some below the pants stuff. Some enlarged testicles stuff. Also, lots of cussing.

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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.


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