Tis The Season That A Fat Man Watches You To See If You're Being Naughty




There is no end, every year, of updates and alterations to Twas The Night Before Christmas. But, like so many things in life, I think I like Nick Offerman's the most. Short, sweet, to the point, and cutting out all that poetical bullshit. Just like Jesus wanted.

I assume. I don't actually know what Jesus wants. He seems like he was a pretty demanding guy. Probably would have been really high maintenance in a relationship. But in that weird, friendly sort of way, that makes it seem like you're the one who is being unreasonable, you know? Like everyone else is going around saying, "I don't know why ____ is always being so catty, Jesus just wants what's best for them." And you have to explain, sometimes I don't want to turn the other cheek, sometimes I want to be bitchy and hold a judge. That doesn't make me a monster, IT MAKES ME HUMAN SUSAN... uh, I mean, Jesus. Yeah. Jesus.

Via Uproxx.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.

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