The Burger Is A Goth, But The Poop? All Irish

So... Burger King had a good idea. As a Halloween promotion, they are marketing a black-bunned Whopper. It's festive, it's spooky, it's a little gross to look at but once you understand that it's just food colouring in the dough, and that the bun tastes exactly the same, it's really no different than random crap being turned green on St. Patrick's Day.

Well, talking about turning random crap green, funny story. The Whopper went on sale last week, and over the weekend, those partaking of the festive food stuff discovered an unexpected side effect: the black bun turns poop green. And, if the internet is to be believed, this is not a deep, organic green. More like Kermit the Frog, radioactive green. And for up to three days! Now, the rational thinker realizes pretty quickly that this is because of dark blue food dyes in the bun, which don't break down in the digestive system, but mix with "other matter" in your system and create a cartoonish green hue. Which would be alarming as shit (see what I did there?) when you aren't expecting it. Which explains the first wave of freaked out reactions.

But this is humanity, and the internet, we're talking about here. So it's not the "am I dying" reactions that are the story. It's the second generation poop-reporters that make this story truly amazing. Those that saw the burger turned other people's poop green, and decided that they too would test to see if it was true. Yes, in the name of Science, these pioneers of the privy boldly threw themselves in the digestive void, and opened up an unexpected market for Burger King. These lavatory trailblazers were so obsessed with Scullying this mystery, they ingested a food stuff purported to turn their doo-doo day-glow just to see if it did. And to them, we salute you. And your secrets of the ooze.

And to Burger King, who certainly did not expect to paint bogs with florescent offerings to the sanitary system, I hope you recognize the market you inadvertently opened up here. Now, restaurants will be able to offer post-meal entertainment as well as unusual presentation. Think of all the combinations that could be offered (and if you can't, here is an aid to help). I expect the R&D departments of all the major fast food joints to be a bustle, developing new and exciting food-to-poop menu items. If they do, then my opinion in humanity is secure. And if they don't... well, maybe we're not as bad off as I thought.

Via the Washington Post.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.


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