[List] - 15 Completely Pointless DC Comics Movie Casting Suggestions


Who could wear the boob window?

So, this jewel of a quote has appeared from the aether.

According to "Wrath of the Titans" screenwriter Dan Mazeau, who also wrote a draft for the planned "Flash" adaptation, Warner Bros is still very interested in giving the various Justice League characters their own movies. "I think Warner Bros. is finalizing their strategy of how they want to roll out their DC superheroes, and obviously they've got Batman in an incredibly great place, and Green Lantern, I think, performed okay," Mazeau said in an interview with Blastr. "I think they probably would have liked it to have done better, but yeah, there is still a whole lot of excitement for the DC universe, and I know The Flash is very high on the list." 

I've got a couple of things I want to say about this. First, is the Wrath of the Titans guy the fellow we really want putting together a Flash movie. Is he really the guy we want to putting together our IKEA furniture?

Second, "Green Lantern, I think, performed okay" is the most politically correct way of saying "Green Lantern sucked ass, but we kind of put all our eggs in one basket, so we're just going to role with it for now, cause we got nothing else. Seriously, Man of Steel is going to suck, and Nolan is leaving Batman and we can't get our crap together long enough to go to the bathroom, let alone make a decent, successful movie." Or, you know, something like that.

Third, and I actually have a third this time, is Flash actually really high on the list of movies that fans want? Because no one I know is clamouring to see a Flash movie. No one I know was clamouring for a Green Lantern movie, or another Superman movie where he fights Zod, but those got made, so maybe I'm wrong.

But because of this statement, and because I've had a little too much time on my hands, I thought we run through some completely uncalled for, possible casting choices for DC properties.

Hit the jump to see the list.

I had only one real rule with this list: no doubling up on characters already cast. No Sups, no Bats, or any of their assorted characters. Quality of the actor was more important than physical resemblance to the character, though a certain resemblance helped. Other than that, there is no rhyme or reason to this list, as I'm sure will become readily apparent.

Black Canary/Morena Baccarin

It's rare to find a voice actor who would be equally suited to play the live action version of a character. Baccarin, introduced to the world by Joss Whedon in Firefly, already has experience as Dinah Lance through the Justice League series. Put her in a blond wig for the Canary scenes, maybe go for a technological explanation for the Canary Cry rather then a mutation, and you've got the makings for a kick ass action hero. Dinah should be by the books, played straight, as she would ideally be paired with

Green Arrow/Matt Bomer

For all the Rachel and Ross shit the comics put these characters through, Green Arrow and the Canary work best when together, Canary the voice of reason, Arrow the immature man-child who cares too much, and steps up when needed. Like Canary wearing the wig, Arrow's facial hair would be fake, all the better to hide the charismatic Bruce Wayne-light, crusader for social justice Oliver Queen underneath. Don't believe Bomer could fit the part, watch any episode of White Collar, and tell me he couldn't charm his way into, and out of, any problem. And none of this CW hoodie shit, they need to go full on Robin Hood costume (Oliver and Dinah don't break my rule, because the upcoming CW show will no more counts as Green Arrow then Smallville counted as Superman).

Arrowette/Chloe Moretz

Moretz already proved she has superhero chops during her star making turn in Kick Ass. Her recent appearances on 30 Rock proves she has comedic chops, and she seems to be getting cast in everything right now, most recently the Carrie remake. Make Arrowette one of Queen's social project victory stories, a surrogate daughter for the pair, and mix in a little bit of teenage rebellion, and you've got a crime fighting family that'd be worth watching. Especially if they were called in to lend aid to

Oracle/Emily Deschanel

I come down firmly on the Oracle side of the Chair Debate surrounding Barbara Gordon. Yes, she was the original Batgirl, and that is always going to be part of her history. But as Oracle, the tech expert, master planner and backup for the entire bat family, she filled a void that no number of martial artists in gimp suits can fill. And, she never let her disability stop her from protecting those she loved. Deschanel has proven she can play the scientist for eight years on Bones, and can be a comedic dynamo when called upon.
[Updated: due to a recent appearance on Craig Ferguson, Poppy Montgomery has forced me to reconsider her for the role, and the more I think about it, the more I think these two are pretty evenly matched.] Luckily, no one remembers the terrible CW series Birds of Prey, so the well wasn't poisoned entirely. All the same, Oracle would work best if she were constantly worrying over

Stephanie Brown aka Batgirl/Allison Scagliotti
Stephanie Brown as Batgirl during Bryan Q. Millar's run was basically Buffy in a batsuit. Culturally aware, snarky and full of spunk. She remains my favourite Batgirl, one that was wiped from existance during the 'New 52' change over, thanks for that. Scagliotti is one of the many highlights of the exceptional Warehouse 13, a boon to the show since her addition part way through season one. Her energy level and general attitude, which Scagliotti seems to carry over into her real life, are infectious and a wonder to watch. As a young Batgirl, trying to learn the ropes without getting herself killed, she would be a hoot.

Calculator/Jared Harris
The malevolent ying to Oracle's yang, and the number one source for information in the criminal underworld, the Calculator is every bit as brilliant as Oracle, but is driven by his bank account, not a moral code. His obsession with discovering Oracle's identity has always been his biggest weakness. Harris, son of the late Hogwarts Headmaster, might be known to some for his role on Mad Man, but has proven his ability to play the evil genius planning three steps ahead on both Fringe, as the wonderful David Robert Jones, and the year's second best Moriarty in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. Plus, his voice would be fantastic taunting Oracle over the radio. Think Kirk and Kahn, fighting from far ends of the field of battle.

Hawkgirl/Rosario Dawson

At first, Vixen might seem like a better fit, but Vixen is a character that could never carry her own film, and would barely fit into a team picture. Despite a strong role over the last few years of the Justice League cartoon, she still is not a front line member of the JLA or the JSA. Hawkgirl, on the other hand, is a well liked, well established, strong female character that has worked on both teams. Dawson, a geek herself, who has written comics, would be great as the warrior-like character, especially if paired with

Hawkman/Jason Momoa


Before ruling the Dothraki on Game of Thrones, Momoa was the muscle for four years on Stargate Atlantis, and chosen to replace Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian. Chose either the alien space cops, or the resurrected lovers drifting through time origins, and these characters could support their own film, though would probably work better as part of a team. JSA maybe?
  
Cyborg/Donald Glover

Glover has risen from nothingness over the past three years due to his role on Community. An internet campaign to get him cast as Spider-man was a failure, but does raise an interesting idea. As a more modern Cyborg, less concerned with punching and blasting, and more tech savvy and generally geeky, getting excited over seeing unknown or alien tech, and heavy dose of humour to better serve Glover's talents, and he could be a highlight of any movie he appeared in.

Power Girl/Sarah Jones
Jones is relatively new to Hollywood, though she's received a big bump in her profile by grabbing the lead in J.J. Abram's Alcatraz. While that show is unlikely to see a second season, though stranger things have happened, Jones, as the show's lone newbie, did show potential as a future star. Karen generally takes a leadership position in any group, though if she were given a playful exterior, like during Jimmy Palmiotti's run on the comics, coupled with a troubled depth, as might come from having such a muddled origin, and she might just be a powerful member of a cast. Got to fix the costume though, something the comics have long strugled with, and never succeeded in.

Dr. Psycho/Peter Dinklage

Dr. Psycho, an evil telepathic shrink, is my vote for the villain in any possible Wonder Woman movie. He's not able to match her in a fight, but able to get inside her mind, which always makes for a more interesting time. It could buck the trend that every action movie, no matter how cerebral, has to end in a fist fight, a trend I loath. Dinklage is NOT included on this list because he is the highest profile little person in Hollywood. He's included on this list because the rest of the world has finally realized what those of us who watched Thereshold, the original Death At A Funeral, Station Agent, and everything else on his CV before Game of Thrones, already knew: Dinklage is one of the most talented actors working today, of any size.

Gorilla Grodd/Michael Clarke Duncan
One of the few actors whose CV would say, yes they have previously played a gorilla, thanks for asking. He edges the other logical ape choice, Andy Serkis, in terms of a physical/vocal performance. If they went motion capture, Serkis gets it hands down.

[Author`s note: this list was written well before the passing of Duncan. He would have been the best choice for the role, and that makes me a little sad. But Serkis would do a fine job as the only other viable contender.]

Lois Lane/Rashida Jones
OK, so I broke my rule once. But, for two very good reasons. One, Chris Sim's analysis of the original Superman recently brought to my attention that she bares a remarkable resemblance to a young Margot Kidder. And two: Amy Adams is a terrible choice for Lois Lane, in much the same way that Kate Bosworth was a terrible choice for Lois Lane: they don't have the presence. Lois should be able to walk up to Superman and tell him what to do, and he'll be inclined to do so out of fear. The best Lois' (Teri Hatcher, Erica Durance, Dana Delany. Please note that these were all TV Lois'. Think there's a pattern there?) have been a more dominating force than Superman. Jones would be able to carry the humourous side of Lois, and balance it with the fearlessness Lois needs.

While we're on it, just cast the entire cast of Parks and Recreation as the Superman supports. Aziz Ansari as Jimmy Olsen. Nick Offerman as Perry White. Jim O'Heir as... Jerry? Dammit Jerry.

Lex Luthor/Bryan Cranston

As far as I know, Luthor won't be making an appearance in Man of Steel, which is good. For all of Superman Returns' faults, casting Kevin Spacey as Luthor wasn't one of them. He was the obvious choice, and a hard act to follow. Cranston could do it. Ten years ago, he was getting cast as a fool, a character actor reserved for dads and dentists. Now, he's a leading man, both hero and villain, with emphasis on the latter. Turns in Drive and Contagion, and an upcoming role in Total Recall means that Cranston is only going to be see his profile increase. Breaking Bad proves he can make the emotional turns and play the devious nature that a good Luthor needs to swing from businessman to super villain. He has the potential to make the best Luthor since Clancy Brown.

Ted 'Wild Cat' Grant/Bruce Campbell


Go back in time, and retrieve Campbell from his Evil Dead days, and you've got the makings of a perfect Plastic Man, or Booster Gold. Now days, a little older, and with a little more around the middle, Campbell still has a chin that could kick your ass, and the smooth one liner that says he doesn't take you that seriously. He single handedly elevates Burn Notice to a whole new level of awesome. As the retired boxer Ted Grant, he'd be the perfect mentor to a team, an even snarkier version of Lucius Fox (you know superheroes, bunch of bitchy little girls), and be willing to take a beating if it meant protecting his friends.

So there you go. 15 random characters that have about as much chance of appearing in a movie as I do of passing a polecat through by kidneys.

Quote at the top via Topless Robot.
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About MR. Clark

Adopting the descriptor of "successfully unpublished author", MR. Clark began writing things on the internet in 2012, which he believed to be an entirely reputable and civilized place to find and deliver information. He regrets much.

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